Thursday, March 8, 2018

Astazi este despre mama

In decembrie 1989 mama a ramas insarcinata cu mine. In mijlocul revolutiei anticomuniste eu eram deja mai mult decat un embrion. Mama era tanara, avea 20 de ani si cara cu ea o valiza grea, plina cu ramasitele unei copilarii nedrepte. Pentru ea, embrionul de mine a reprezentat speranta ca intr-o zi o parte din ea va continua sa traiasca prin mine. Ea mereu si-a dorit ca eu sa am o viata mai buna si sa ating stelele pe care ea nu le-a putut atinge.

Am auzit atatea istorisiri de la parinti si bunici despre Romania comunista si abia la maturitate am realizat cat curaj si cata speranta a avut mama cand s-a decis sa ma aduca pe lume in plina cadere a comunismului. Eu cred ca generatia noastra sta la temelia progresului pe care parintii nostri si l-au imaginat pentru societatea romaneasca.

In august 1990 mama mi-a dat viata si a fost dragoste la prima vedere. Ea mereu imi povesteste cu un aer revolutionar cum spunea la toata lumea in maternitate ca ea are cel mai frumos copil. Totusi, de la tata am auzit contrariul. El spune ca eram chiar uratica si paroasa, dar mama ma vedea cea mai cea. Tot de la tata am auzit ca dupa ce m-a nascut, mama s-a transformat total. Ea era slabita fizic, dar era atata de mandra de faptul ca mi-a dat viata. Capatase o incredere de sine extraordinara si o forta de putea sa munte si muntii cu ea. Dar acum imi dau seama ca miracolul nasterii a transformat-o intr-o adevarata razboinica neinfricata.

Ea si-a pus cariera si propria fericire pe lista de asteptare si si-a dedicat intreaga viata ca sa ma creasca frumos si sa fie mereu alaturi de mine. Imi aduc aminte ca ma trezea dimineata ca sa ma pregateasca pentru scoala, imi pregatea micul dejul si pachetelul, mergea la serviciu, iar cand se intorcea acasa facea de mancare. Dupa ora opt seara se aseza la bucatarie pe scaun si deschidea cartile ca sa invete. Era studenta la zi la facultate, era mama, sotie si cu job full-time. Nu stiu de unde avea atata putere sa le faca pe toate. Era atat de sarguincioasa incat trecea toate examenele cu note mari. Pe langa toate astea, a mai terminat si un master.

Daca nici mama nu e razboinica, atunci nu stiu cine e.
Mama este o martira. Si-a sacrificat anii din viata ca sa aiba de grija de mine si apoi cu durere in suflet m-a lasat sa imi iau zborul spre "tarile calde". Ea sufera tot timpul ca suntem departe, dar nu se plange niciodata.

Cand ma gandesc la copilaria mea, nu pot sa spun ca mi-a lipsit nimic din partea mamei. Ea mereu a fost acolo. Chiar si astazi cand nu ne vedem des ea este intr-o continua misiune de a-mi oferi toata dragostea si sprijinul ei.

Astazi de 8 martie nu e despre mine, ci e despre tine, draga mama. Tu esti exemplul unei femei adevarate. Ti-am spus si iti mai repet. Imi doresc sa fiu macar un sfert asa mama pentru viitorii mei copii precum esti tu mama pentru mine. La multi ani, iubita mea! Iti multumesc pentru tot si te iubesc pana la Dumnezeu si inapoi.

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Let go?

I was thinking yesterday about goodbyes and dear people that once meant so much to us. I realized that letting it go it's a very long and difficult journey. We need to find the strength to set free the souls that changed our lives in so many ways.

People are often saying that it's natural instinct to go away from what causes us pain because this is the way of growing and becoming a better person. But I keep asking myself this question: is surrender sweeter than the battle?

If we don't fight until the end, how are we supposed to answer it? Perhaps, it will be a never-ending misery and we will never taste the victory. Maybe losing will break the vicious pattern, or maybe winning will fulfill the essence of our own existence. Who knows?

Friday, March 27, 2015

Multisensory Museum Experience

Recently I was astonished by a Van Gogh exhibition in Russia, where with a very talented ballerina and some projections the organizers achieved to offer visitors a spectacular multisensory experience.

First, I thought that they displayed big pictures with parts from the paintings but with a little bit of research and curiosity I found out that what they used is a technology called SENSORY4. Now you may wonder how does it work.

Well, the SENSORY4 exhibition experience innovates beyond traditional forms of engaging an audience; it uses sound and video in a whole new media format. It is driven by a suite of powerful computers, a bespoke software system that controls up to 40 high definition projectors and a digital surround sound system using 10km of cabling. And this is not all! Regarded as one of the most exciting multi-projection systems in the world, the SENSORY4 system projects huge crystal clear images onto an array of screen geometry configured to the given space.

This discovery changed completely my traditional thinking about art exhibitions. For me art had to be original, it had to made me feel the touch of the artist´s hand, mind and spirit on the painting that was displayed in front of my eyes in order to be able to perceive it as alive. So, technology didn´t have it´s place in my little bubble world.
But after seeing Vang Gogh Alive exhibitions I had a revelation: living in a digital world, art has the possibility to travel through technology. It is no longer limited, it is there and it is more alive than ever. It is upgraded to another level as ArtTech (how I like to call it), moving around the world for everyone to see it, feel it, hear it and touch it.
Nowadays, people are seeking more and more for unique experiences, for something that will stop them for a second from their rocketing life pursuit and take them in a journey of discovery.
I believe that through a technology like SENSORY4 or even a similar one museums can become more entertaining and educative than ever. And if we are extending more our minds and creativity, businesses can be more successful and places more visited.
If after reading this I made you a little bit more curious you can have a look on: .

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The season of transition

Once upon a november, all the beings and unbeings on the planet used to talk. Only once a year, on the 26th of November a magic rain, from the sky, was falling, bringing everything to life. The phenommen was completed when humans truly opened their hearts and minds to the transition.
The legend tells that the magic day was in fact the 5th season of the year, where the notion of time didn't exist anymore, was the moment when all the energies in the Universe were connected to awake the humans. "Remembering" was the only key to get in the 4th season, the winter. Those who didn't succeed were trapped between past and future until they found the true meaning of the present.
People who found the "remembering" key discovered who they really were. All their failures, disapointments, material loses and frustations meant nothing anymore. It was time for change and gratitude. It was the chance to stop living illusions and realize that they didn't have enough life in them to be miserable and sad. They were given the years of life to love, to laugh, to appreciate every moment with their loved ones, to not hate but forgive, to not expect but to offer, to not wait but to act, to not give up but to fight.
26th of November was the magic day when we remembered the meaning of winter. Everything is in there, us as children, the smell of home, the taste of mum's food and her power of taking every pain away and giving us so much love that we couldn't imagine how such a small person can handle so much.
Today is my 5th season when I realize how lucky and greatful I am for my life and how much love I can feel for every person that sticked into my life and never stoped to believe in me. I can't wait for the winter to come, to go home and be a dreaming little girl again underneath a family cozy roof.

Hey, don't stop now, keep remembering!

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Hard decisions

Today, I am on a train... I didn`t want to be here, but I had to take a hard decision. And I`m telling you, it was so damn difficult! I had to say goodbye earlier than I planed to two special and very loved souls in my life: my dad and my best friend. Soon I will do the same thing with my mom. When I come back just for a while to my old life it`s not so easy to let it go again, the emotions and the moments that I experience with the loved ones can never be taken from me, never replaced. Time and distance are not stronger than our bond.

Whatever we do, we can`t change our destiny and I realized that when I did sacrifices, new doors opened in front of me. When I left to Denmark one year ago, it was the first time when I had to live alone in a foreign country and learn to survive by myself. It wasn`t easy at all, I was so unhappy and so scared, almost lost. After that I decided to leave my boyfriend that I had at that time and I moved in with a stranger. It was the best thing that I could have done because now, after almost one year I am in a happy relationship with an amazing guy that loves me,he is always there for me and he helped me to build myself again and to be more fulfilled than I ever was. I risked everything at that time but today I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Some days ago I did the same thing, I decided to not spend my summer in Romania, to cancel the plain ticket that I had for August and to return to Denmark. I saw how much my parents are struggling to help me to live and study there. I want to call them at the end of July and tell them: "I found a job, you don`t need to send me money anymore".
When we take decisions we are always scared about "unknown grounds", they make us feel insecure, so we have the tendency to choose them because of their comfort.It`s wrong!Even if on a long term the "known grounds" are the safest ones and show certainty they will not be the ones that will get us out from our comfort zone. We need to feel pain, to experience frustrations in order to realize what is best for us to do. Nothing in life is hazard, if we open our eyes wide we will be exactly where we need to be at the perfect time. Be patient, be courageous, follow your intuition and take every failure or pain as an opportunity and then... doors or windows that you never imagined they exist will appear in front of you.

Theodore Roosevelt said: “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
These words inspire me to be a warrior of my own war because in the end I know I will be the hero of my life.

TED Talk: How to make hard choices

Thursday, June 26, 2014

One of those days

You know those days when you have nothing to do, the weather isn`t friendly, everyone is busy and you don`t have any mood for doing anything but think and...think. I don`t know about your thoughts but mine are screaming really loudly in my head. It`s that day when not even music can distract my mind, working is not productive and socializing is just so boring today. It`s so hilarious and real; I woke up late, I carried my zombie body in the kitchen, I drank half of my morning coffee, I smoked two cigarettes, I checked Facebook with no lack of interest but just as a stupid daily routine and after that I went outside and play with my father`s dog, hoping that we can kill each other`s loneliness. With some playing and a bit fresh air I  became "the walking creature". Where to go? To the store and buy some cigarettes, a perfect excuse to take a walk. I didn`t come to Romania, my home country for six months and after twelve days since I am here I can`t get used to so much speed, so many people, so many cars and so much noise. I was walking but I had the feeling that is just an impression of moving my legs in comparison with the city`s speed. Finally I got to the store where I waited five minutes, the lady was busy talking to her husband about their schedule for tonight and about how angry she is because her boss brought too many Philip Morris packs instead of bringing Marlboro. I was patient all this time, I was looking at her the entire time hoping that she will notice me. She was so upset and worried, not even a smile on her face or a spark in her eyes. She was so empty that after those five minutes she wasn`t a human anymore for me, she was just a living box. The lady noticed me, thank God and she told me: "Say!". "What a customer service is this?", I was wondering. And I continued in my head: "Poor box! When did you lose your manners?". I bought what I needed and I took the way back home.
The coffee is cold, I can`t drink it anymore, the weather is mean, I can feel the storm is coming but I don`t know when. The window is open in the kitchen and I can feel the wind to my ears, I can hear dogs barking and cars moving far away, a frog is upset somewhere in the garden and my thoughts are everywhere.
This is the day when I refuse doing anything, but making serious plans and taking decisions to please my consciousness, but doesn`t want to stop. I am not a box or a worried creature, but today I feel that everything is evil, my mind is punishing me for some reason and I think I know why: I miss so many things...but so many things have changed.
But tell me, do you recognize this day?