Sunday, June 29, 2014

Hard decisions

Today, I am on a train... I didn`t want to be here, but I had to take a hard decision. And I`m telling you, it was so damn difficult! I had to say goodbye earlier than I planed to two special and very loved souls in my life: my dad and my best friend. Soon I will do the same thing with my mom. When I come back just for a while to my old life it`s not so easy to let it go again, the emotions and the moments that I experience with the loved ones can never be taken from me, never replaced. Time and distance are not stronger than our bond.

Whatever we do, we can`t change our destiny and I realized that when I did sacrifices, new doors opened in front of me. When I left to Denmark one year ago, it was the first time when I had to live alone in a foreign country and learn to survive by myself. It wasn`t easy at all, I was so unhappy and so scared, almost lost. After that I decided to leave my boyfriend that I had at that time and I moved in with a stranger. It was the best thing that I could have done because now, after almost one year I am in a happy relationship with an amazing guy that loves me,he is always there for me and he helped me to build myself again and to be more fulfilled than I ever was. I risked everything at that time but today I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Some days ago I did the same thing, I decided to not spend my summer in Romania, to cancel the plain ticket that I had for August and to return to Denmark. I saw how much my parents are struggling to help me to live and study there. I want to call them at the end of July and tell them: "I found a job, you don`t need to send me money anymore".
When we take decisions we are always scared about "unknown grounds", they make us feel insecure, so we have the tendency to choose them because of their comfort.It`s wrong!Even if on a long term the "known grounds" are the safest ones and show certainty they will not be the ones that will get us out from our comfort zone. We need to feel pain, to experience frustrations in order to realize what is best for us to do. Nothing in life is hazard, if we open our eyes wide we will be exactly where we need to be at the perfect time. Be patient, be courageous, follow your intuition and take every failure or pain as an opportunity and then... doors or windows that you never imagined they exist will appear in front of you.

Theodore Roosevelt said: “Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
These words inspire me to be a warrior of my own war because in the end I know I will be the hero of my life.

TED Talk: How to make hard choices

Thursday, June 26, 2014

One of those days

You know those days when you have nothing to do, the weather isn`t friendly, everyone is busy and you don`t have any mood for doing anything but think and...think. I don`t know about your thoughts but mine are screaming really loudly in my head. It`s that day when not even music can distract my mind, working is not productive and socializing is just so boring today. It`s so hilarious and real; I woke up late, I carried my zombie body in the kitchen, I drank half of my morning coffee, I smoked two cigarettes, I checked Facebook with no lack of interest but just as a stupid daily routine and after that I went outside and play with my father`s dog, hoping that we can kill each other`s loneliness. With some playing and a bit fresh air I  became "the walking creature". Where to go? To the store and buy some cigarettes, a perfect excuse to take a walk. I didn`t come to Romania, my home country for six months and after twelve days since I am here I can`t get used to so much speed, so many people, so many cars and so much noise. I was walking but I had the feeling that is just an impression of moving my legs in comparison with the city`s speed. Finally I got to the store where I waited five minutes, the lady was busy talking to her husband about their schedule for tonight and about how angry she is because her boss brought too many Philip Morris packs instead of bringing Marlboro. I was patient all this time, I was looking at her the entire time hoping that she will notice me. She was so upset and worried, not even a smile on her face or a spark in her eyes. She was so empty that after those five minutes she wasn`t a human anymore for me, she was just a living box. The lady noticed me, thank God and she told me: "Say!". "What a customer service is this?", I was wondering. And I continued in my head: "Poor box! When did you lose your manners?". I bought what I needed and I took the way back home.
The coffee is cold, I can`t drink it anymore, the weather is mean, I can feel the storm is coming but I don`t know when. The window is open in the kitchen and I can feel the wind to my ears, I can hear dogs barking and cars moving far away, a frog is upset somewhere in the garden and my thoughts are everywhere.
This is the day when I refuse doing anything, but making serious plans and taking decisions to please my consciousness, but doesn`t want to stop. I am not a box or a worried creature, but today I feel that everything is evil, my mind is punishing me for some reason and I think I know why: I miss so many things...but so many things have changed.
But tell me, do you recognize this day?